Control

Lack of it is a more fitting description to me. Doing nothing inspires me to lose all control. The consequences are nowhere to be seen but they will. They definietly will. Karma.

Learning how to keep control is a test. A lot of people lose it because of selfishness. They'd rather keep doing it because of want or fear. It feels good to lose control. Or you'd rather lose control than face reality. You choose losing control as a way out. I do.

Regrets always come after. I choose to regret than prevent having reasons to regret.

P.S.

Don't you dare lie to me. You did. You do. You will. Hurt me always, okay?

Question for the day: How does it feel to be you?

The Manipulation of Insecurities

They twist me in different directions. They want to make me say things I don't mean. They make me question not only my own actions but others as well. They want to keep you hidden in the dark. They taunt you with their endless prodding. They keep you afraid and unable to speak. They continue to stab your head with illusions of rejection and despair. They suck the energy out of you. They leave you mindless to do anything but fear.

I'm an unwilling victim to these so called 'insecurities'. They have been with me since I've learned of their existence. I've traveled far through my years and still they continue to aggravate me. And I let them, oh how I let them. It has now come to a point when I use them to hide my feelings and make excuses. I've let myself succumb to their deadly clutches. I've poisoned myself. Help me. I want to turn them away. Help me. I beg you. Please take them away. Teach me how to restrain myself from reaching to their dark beings. I have let myself down dozens of times. I do not wish to fall anymore.

Question for the day: How do you deal with an insecurity?

Just Making Sense

I got caught up with my excitement so I jumped right into the fire. Here's what I did:

1. Reach an uncertain goal in my head
2. Get something that wasn't right in the first place
3. Stay because other people needed me for their own interest (which I found out later)

I lost three days - it felt like three months. It was my stupidity anyhow. But it was a lesson learned. It opened my eyes to a reality that is three times worse than what reality should be.

Just Learning

My first day out of the fire. I get a message. It was a light of hope and it rekindled my passions. This time around I'll wear a fireman's jacket before I jump in the fire. I'd probabaly bring a hose as well just to be sure.

Just Me

I have to realize that whatever happens. I have to know what I want. I should understand my priorities and take a stand. In life, it's your choices and decisions that matter in the end. You are your own person. If you make a bad one, take the consequences. Taking other people's decisions as yours will just make you blame them if anything goes wrong.

Question for the day: What do you regret the most?

The first few notes capture my heart...

John Legend's P.D.A. (We just don't care) Music Video


Let's make love...;)

Question for the day: Do you...want to I mean? ;)

I don't want to be doomed to a predictable life. At 23, it seems that I can already map out a life for myself. I don't want that.

Sometimes I wish for something more than the usual. Where is it? Sometimes I want to be someone else for a change. A totally free person.

These statements just make me seem selfish. As if I'm unhappy with the way things are. I am. Still...I crave change. Scary coz it's not always a good change. Someone once told me that I am never satisfied. I have one thing then I want another. I miss talking with people. I miss conversations with my great friend who's in the States.

I don't really know what's wrong with me. I get these mood swings. Up and down. Now, I'm wanting something that I just can't put my finger on. It stinks not knowing especially if it's about me.

Where am I?












Question for the day: Where do you want to be?

Reality check!

How many reality checks do I need before I realize that I'm getting old? Hah! I'm starting to want more than the cartoon watching, game playing and book reading that I do. This means having to go to work. First I have to find a job - something stable at first and eventually something that will give me what I want when I want it (ultra demanding? Yup, that's me). I have big aspirations, is that so bad? ;)

The 10-day escape is over. It was eventful. An eye-opener especially with the kind of lifestyle I want to lead. It made me envious because these countries that I visited were progressive than the Philippines. How come it didn't happen to us? There's this burning desire to want the Philippines to change - to be as progressive and as globally competitve as our neighboring countries (Malaysia and Singapore).

I love our people. We are one of the most caring people in the world. It's what makes us different from them. But sometimes we see people here who are either corrupt or indifferent. It gets hard to like living here. We lack discipline. That's why I want to learn and be different. I want to be proud of living here and telling everyone I meet that I am a Filipino. This change takes a lot of hard work and patience. I'm willing to stick by my hope of knowing that we can do it.

Darn. I'm starting to sound like one of those speeches in graduations or advocate and school programs. It's not all about me now I suppose.

Question for the day: How do you practice patience?