In times of trouble. I feel like my mind is somewhere else. In a land of cards, where a joker is amidst. Life is a game of chance. If you can't beat them, join them. Is that it? Is this going to be my philosophy? I can't stand that I'm like this.

It pains me so...thinking of the consequences. Unfair? All the things I've read in books, I thought they were not real but they are. I am the character I see in books. This is me. More real than ever but still it is all temporary - all unreal.

Acceptance with no regrets. Life can be full of meaning. Take it for what it is. Just go with the flow and if life gives you a wrong turn, it's a just reward. Be aware of your actions.

My heart. My soul. It will always belong to me - to the things that bind me.

Temporary insanity. That's all there is to it. Love you...love me. 'Love' is nothing but a word to me.

'And I'm so sick of love songs, so tired of tears, so done with wishing you were still here....'

'Tic for tact'

Despite being the person that I am, I still feel bad when things are said. What's the matter?

Nothing amounts to something. I can't believe that I am busy when I'm not even supposed to be. Where are the other agendas that I have tasked myself to do?

Here I go again with my thoughts. I miss my friends...(as if I don't see them). Well, my other friends that I don't get to see that often. There's something missing and I still don't know what.

Funny. Not really.

My prayers are for the people who were affected by the landslide in Leyte. *sigh. Nature is really a force to reckon with.

Am I writing this down again?

"What goes around, comes around." My mantra since before. I'm reminded by this everytime something seems to go wrong. It is as if I blame myself for something that will happen to me. When a good thing happens to me though, I don't blame it on karma. I feel the reason why I leave things on fate is because I rather not face them.

I don't want to come to the time when I'll sing/say "You don't know what you've got 'till it's gone..."

Had a sudden burst of energy today...I mean yesterday (because it's already another day ;). I realized that this time around, I work better when I'm feeling a bit melancholy. I had a drive to do the things I need to do. Or maybe I'm looking for distractions.

I wish I knew why I am negative.

Moreover, I wish I knew why I believe that I should hurry and be the first one to cross the finish line when it's not yet the time.

 

Suggestive

There is still one thing I crave for – this is possibly something that I can never have again. How can I take something away when it is already part of who or what I am?

Sweetness in sincerity.

Time flies by as if trying to race towards a goal.

I thought I had it but I didn't. Try as I may to quell the deep feelings of sadness, I still feel them at times when I just stop. Time races...but it doesn't freeze. So I let it go, let it pass by me.

Listening but I have not heard everything. I thought I have heard it but I am still deaf.

You're still my light. I surmised as much. My rational thought. My longing. But still I'm at a lost. I still don't know why.

Extra: It is a capitalist holiday today. Happy Valentines Day! If it means so much to you then take this greeting of mine to heart.

And since you know you cannot see yourself,
so well as by reflection, I, your glass,
will modestly discover to yourself,
that of yourself which you yet know not of. ;)

~ William Shakespeare

Desiring and wanting can be two different things. Is one deeper than the other?

I have an emotion at the pit of my stomach that gnaws at my very being.

My mistake for being who I am. I can't take it anymore. I'd rather be the girl who doesn't care at all. Indifference where are thou?

I cannot say what I want to say..I can't speak...

Fear...how can I not fear? Eventually you will...go I say..you will...like the others, like all others. Afraid to lose and afraid to love...how can one single letter can change two words so completely?

What then will you give me? What is it that I have to learn from this? I had the 'jacket'...will I have your 'shoes'? All metaphors that tie me down to you...all of you.

It's starting yet again. Please don't let it be this way. Advice! Take another's advice. I'm certain that this thing that keeps me alive will kill me as well.

Do you...do you really...? How can you be so sure? Forgive me for doubting...forgive me for hurting...forgive me for being who I am. If you're starting to hide things from me...it must be because it's starting to feel so differently. No blames…I can’t ask that of you. My mistake…my doing.

Will I try to make you leave? Will I do stupid things and hurt you? Will I keep myself from telling you how it is? What if this is all a drama - my kind of drama where I push, I pull, I stain, I gain.

What was it that I said...emotion at the pit of my stomach...I have another one...one that flutters...the other that gnaws...Tell me which one do you want me to have.

(Verse I)
Just let it die
With no goodbyes
Details don't matter
We both paid the price
Tears in my eyes
You know sometimes
It'd be like that baby

(Bridge I)
Now everytime I see you
I pretend I'm fine
When I wanna reach out to you
But I turn and I walk and I let it ride
Baby I must confess
We were bigger than anything
Remember us at our best
And don't forget about

(Chorus)
Late nights, playing in the dark and waking up inside my arms
Boy, you'll always be in my heart and
I can see it in your eyes
You still want it
So don't forget about us

I'm just speaking from experience
Nothing can compare to your first true love
So I hope this will remind you
When it's for real, it's forever
So don't forget about us

(Verse II)
Oh they say
That you're in a new relationship
But we both know
Nothing comes close to
What we had, it perseveres
That we both can't forget it
How good we used to get it

(Bridge II)
There's only one me and you
And how we used to shine
No matter what you go through
We are one, that's a fact
That you can't deny
So baby we just can't let
The fire pass us by
Forever we'd both regret
So don't forget about.........

Baby don't you, don't you forget about us....

MC's Don't Forget About Us
December dedication for the year 2005.

*Mukhang la na akong magawa...haha